28 Funny Valentine's Day Quotes (2024)

Life

These one-liners about love will even make the biggest of cynics crack a smile.

by Anna Tingley

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28 Funny Valentine's Day Quotes (1)

When it comes to Valentines’ Day, there’s really only two camps of people: those who love it and those who hate. Those who are single and those who are in love. Cornballs and cynics. If you’re among the latter, Valentine’s Day can be tough. The flowers and chocolates, the overpriced prix-fixes, the saccharine sayings can be the definition of hell for the less sentimental among us. But escaping the Hallmark-created holiday is nearly impossible. Even for the biggest love skeptics among us fall in love, that means taking part in cringe-inducing rituals that you kinda, sorta, love. That does not mean, though, that you need to write your own genius, heartfelt card filled with loving platitudes and tear-jerker poems. Nope. It’s perfectly acceptable to look to the experts — even better, comedians — for cute and funny Valentine’s Day quotes to make a heartfelt card more fun, especially if your partner is also a love cynic who would rather laugh at the day’s absurdity than revel in sentimentality. Plus, you don’t need a couple’s therapist to tell you that humor most definitely keeps a marriage alive.

So, whether you’re in a comfortable marriage and have run out of original thoughts, or are spending your first Valentine’s together with a partner and don’t want to risk writing the wrong thing, it can be helpful to look towards writers and humorists for inspiration. From Lemony Snicket to Jerry Seinfeld, peruse these romantic and funny Valentine’s Day quotes to use, or copy-and0-paste, on this special (ish?) day.

Related: Corny Love Jokes and Flirty Knock-Knock Jokes for Valentine’s Day“Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they are really are.” —Will Ferrell

  1. “Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” —Ambrose Bierce
  2. “I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” —Jean Illsley Clarke
  3. “I love being married. it’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner
  4. “Valentine, just a few words to tell you how I love you. I have loved you since the first day I saw you. Whenever that was.” —Charles Schulz
  5. “My love is like a candle. I you forget about me I’ll burn your house down.” —Joan Crawford
  6. “Us weirdos were made for each other.” — Unknown
  7. I want to grow old and disgusting with you.” —Unknown
  8. “I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.” —Unknown
  9. “Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.” —H.L Mencken
  10. “Love is blind — marriage is the eye-opener.” —Unknown
  11. “Love is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it.” —Phyllis Schlafly
  12. “What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.” —Pearl Bailey
  13. “Love is being stupid together.” —Paul Valery
  14. “Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” —Richard Jeni
  15. “Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there.” —George Burns
  16. “Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words.” —Melanie White
  17. “Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby — awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.” —Lemony Snicket
  18. “My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.” —Rodney Dangerfield
  19. “I married for love. But the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find your glasses cannot be ignored.” —Cameron Esposito
  20. “I love you with all my butt. I would say heart, but my butt is bigger.” —Unknown
  21. “A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” —Zsa Zsa Gabor
  22. “You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” —Hussein Nishah
  23. “Being a good husband is like being a standup comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” —Jerry Seinfeld
  24. “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” —Charles Schulz
  25. “Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.” —David Sedaris
  26. “Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.” —Bree Luckey
  27. “I love you because you are almost exactly like me and I’m the best.” —Unknown
  28. “Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.” —Carroll Bryant

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28 Funny Valentine's Day Quotes (2024)

FAQs

What is a cool quote for Valentine's Day? ›

Inspirational Valentine's Day Quotes
  • "Each time you love, love as deeply as if it were forever." — Audre Lorde.
  • "Love is when the desire to be desired takes you so badly that you feel you could die of it." — Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec.
  • "One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love." — Sophocles.
Jan 11, 2023

What is funny Valentine catchphrase? ›

Funny Valentine demonstrates the ability to pierce and shotgun a can of beer; much like Jotaro during his introduction in Stardust Crusaders. Valentine's catchphrase "Dojyaaa~~n!" literally means "Tada!" in Japanese.

What is funny Valentine's motivation? ›

Valentine has also demonstrated that he is an absolute patriot to his country, as his motive to get the Corpse parts is deflect any and all misfortune in the United States to a different spot in the world and ensure that the United States is the greatest country on Earth.

What is a short quote on Valentine's Day? ›

The most beautiful flower of this world doesn't rise on a plant or tree; it blossoms in my heart, and that's you.

How to respond to a good day text? ›

"Good day to you too!" This is the most common and polite response. "Thanks, you too!" This is a more casual response. "I hope you have a good day!" This is a friendly and well-wishing response. "It's been a good day so far, thanks for asking!" This is a more personal response.

Can I say happy Valentine's Day to a friend? ›

This day is not just about the celebration of romantic relationships, which most people assume it is. You can celebrate the day with your friends, family, and anyone you love. To help you with the same, here are some handpicked wishes, messages, quotes to share with your loved ones on this special day.

Will you be my Valentine quotes? ›

Here are a few alternative ways to ask someone to be your Valentine:
  • "Would you do me the honor of being my Valentine?"
  • "I can't think of anyone else I'd rather spend Valentine's Day with. ...
  • "I'd love to make this Valentine's Day special with you. ...
  • "I hope you'll be my Valentine and make my heart skip a beat."
Feb 4, 2023

What is the most common phrase used on Valentine Day? ›

  • I love you. (e)
  • You mean so much to me. (s)
  • Will you be my Valentine? (s)
  • You're so beautiful. (s)
  • I think of you as more than a friend. (s)
  • A hundred hearts would be too few to carry all my love for you. (s)
  • Love is just love. It can never be explained. (s)
  • You're so handsome. (s)

How to write Valentine's Day quotes? ›

Romantic Valentine's Day Messages
  1. Anything I do is better with you. ...
  2. We may not know exactly what this is just yet, but I like it. ...
  3. Soul mate, best friend, partner — you're everything to me and more.
  4. Still can't believe you're my [one-and-only, boo, or insert your pet or nickname for them].

How do you get over a bad Valentines Day? ›

When your Valentine's Day doesn't go as expected, it's easy to spiral into disappointment. Instead, take a deep breath. Ask yourself if the night was truly awful or just different than expected. Reframe negative thoughts.

How do you write a not cringe Valentine's Day card? ›

Here are a few ideas on what to write:
  1. I love that you're my Valentine!
  2. Muah! Happy Valentine's Day!
  3. I was never a fan of this holiday until meeting you, my sweet Valentine.
  4. I've loved getting to know you and spending time with you. Happy Valentine's Day!
Feb 14, 2024

What is a cute small Valentine's Day quote? ›

You are beautiful inside and out and I'm so lucky to be yours. You're my forever love and I'm so grateful to have found you. Be mine today, tomorrow and forever.

What do you say on Valentine's Day card? ›

Romantic Valentine's Day Messages

A lot. Soul mate, best friend, partner — you're everything to me and more. Still can't believe you're my [one-and-only, boo, or insert your pet or nickname for them]. I'm truly the luckiest person ever.

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